Written by Harris Eddie Hill
Mental Health & Trauma Coach
Mxharrishill.com
IG: @mxharrishill
So much of the social attitude around anxiety is wrapped up in medicating or silencing it. And as someone who’s taken anxiety meds and really benefited from them, as well as the techniques we use to calm the nervous system in a moment of over-stimulation or panic, they are absolutely an important part of dealing with anxiety.
However, there are some crucial aspects of healing anxiety that are not talked about enough that I want to share with you here. And they’re far more sustainable, healthy, and long-lasting. Remembering all the techniques to manage anxiety or a panic attack whilst you’re losing your mind is often a tall order. And finding medication that suits you and relying on it long term without any more solid work often means we are still dealing with anxiety despite being on medication that’s supposed to help it.
Emotional integration is the skill. And I know it sounds odd; why would you want to integrate anxiety? Isn’t that just inviting it to take up residence?
In short, no. During my time in the NHS (National Health Service in the UK) I helped a lot of people with their persistent emotional issues, anxiety being one of the most common ones. And any time I began to introduce the concept of emotional integration, I would typically get a big reaction from my
patients. Their nostrils would flare, they’d stop blinking, and their fists would clench.
‘I get the sense you’re very angry and resentful at your anxiety?’ I would ask. And then would follow a lot of very big, very understandable feelings. The nights not slept, the relationships strained or ruined, the experiences missed, the inability to feel relaxed and safe in one’s own body. All very valid. And a big part of this process is addressing those very real feelings.
But in the long run, most of us don’t have the headspace or energy to stay in anger and resentment. And eventually we’re so done, we’ll do anything to move forward. And this is both a difficult and excellent moment; this is when you’re ready to do the work needed to move forwards.
So, once you’re ready to really delve within and begin to look at and get to know your anxiety, what do we find? Typically we’ll find within either a younger part of us who doesn’t feel safe, has concerns, or needs to be comforted or heard. Or we’ll find a protective part of us that’s working hard on our behalf to keep us safe using the only tool it has at this moment; being over-prepared and on guard all the time. And occasionally we find a part of us who appears in the form of a critical parent, who never lets us rest and maybe prioritizes our performance and productivity over our wellbeing. And sometimes your anxiety is a blend of some or all of these things.
This is the part where my patients would often get quite riled up. The prospect of getting to know the anxious part with genuine curiosity in an effort to address the core issue took some getting used to. But once they did, it kicked off the integration process. Because what is true underneath these anxious or punishing parts is a part of your brain, your being, that is trying to get your attention, to give you some information or a message that it feels is really important to your survival. Now, you may not agree with the execution of the anxious parts of you, but with enough delving, you should find that, at its core, there are good intentions under there, just poor execution.
And there comes the next step. In beginning to understand those aspects of you, you can begin a dialogue between your main self and the anxious parts and begin to work together. In my experience, once you can find a way to honour the anxious part’s needs, the anxiety will begin to subside. Once there’s trust between the different parts of you, communication, and a commitment to meet its needs, it’s not shouting so loudly anymore.
It feels important to mention that many of us (myself included) have organic conditions such as ADHD, thyroid issues etc. that can cause anxiety due to imbalances in neurotransmitters and other chemicals in the body. This practice may not eradicate those issues, but it absolutely helps, not to mention that this practice, this attitude of becoming curious about what our brain and body needs
and what it is trying to tell us, will stand us in good stead in the long run with our health and wellbeing overall.
So, are you ready to get to the core of your anxiety and begin to get to grips with it? Let me guide you through this practice.